Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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