So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
