take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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