he thought i was a dude.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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