I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
