Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
