Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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