eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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