i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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