You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
