Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
