I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Randomize
