Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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