Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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