I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
