I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
