Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
