did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
