I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
