i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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