Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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