But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
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Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I AM VODKA MAN
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
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I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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