you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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