Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
