Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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