I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize