Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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