remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
