What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
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