life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
