ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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