To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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