Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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