Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
