Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
