The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
