She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
