Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
