i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
