its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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