I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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