entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
