I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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