I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
