now i know why i became what i already was.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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