Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize