Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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