I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
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