Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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