My cat gives me a boner
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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