dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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