so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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