Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
