walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
