I murdered the dance floor call the cops
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Shame is for Republicans.
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