i jhust puked up my retainher.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize