Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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