My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize
