I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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