do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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