Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
