Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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