Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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