I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
