Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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