You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
