i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
