you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
