you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
