I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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