I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Do vagina's smell?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
