I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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