woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
