wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Randomize
