just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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