From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
