just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
