Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize