I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
