Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
