I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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