I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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