I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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