I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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