i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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